I’m reading Guy Deutscher’s new book, Through The Language Glass. A beautifully written wander through linguistic history, it asks a central question: can you think of something for which you have no word? If Homer had no word for blue, so described the sea as “wine-dark”, does that mean he couldn’t see blue? I know this sounds entirely irrelevant. But I’ve been thinking about the way UK-based retail banks treat their clients, and wondering if there’s a single word to describe their attitude. “Contempt” comes close, as do “disdain” and “disrespect”. But they won’t quite do, simply because none of these words contains the sense of tacked-on avarice that the retail banks give you. Nonetheless, I suspect that, just as Homer could mentally if not verbally discern the difference between various colours, there is barely a UK bank customer who doesn’t know exactly what I am talking about.
I’m thinking of this thanks to an irritable phone call from my mother. She’s banked with Lloyds all her life, as did her mother, grandmother and, until recently, her daughters. Last year she entrusted them with the proceeds from her French house; these went into a savings account paying 0.2%. She asked if there might be a better rate. She heard nothing. She called again. She was told there was nothing. Eventually she found an account paying 2.5%. She called to ask if she could have this. They said yes (with no explanation as to why no one had mentioned it before). Then they changed their minds. Why? Because the account was for new customers only. She saw another advertised – at 2% (ten times the rate she was getting). She called again. This time she was allowed to move her money. The process had taken seven months. This year, she asked Lloyds to move her money into sterling. They did. But did they give her a rate that reflected the amount she was transferring? Or her having been a customer for 50 years? Or even a mildly competitive rate? They did not. She got the same rate as a tourist changing €50 at the airport. So she complained. The reply? Customer services are sorry she is “unhappy”. This is their “final response”.
You’ll say that my mother should have abandoned Lloyds long ago. But that misses the point. After decades of contact she trusted them to take care of her. They did not: instead they absolutely failed to offer an acceptable minimum level of service. My mother is still with Lloyds, on the basis that they won’t listen to her complaints if she moves. I’ve pointed out that they aren’t listening anyway and am making her move to First Direct. I’ve also some hope that the likes of Project New Bank might inject a new sense of customer care into the market. But, given that it will be buying Lloyds branches and staff, I’m not holding my breath.